The Socially Abrasive

The Blog of the One and Only, Latch Beam

Archive for November, 2008

Musk

Posted by latchbeam on November 30, 2008

There is no doubt that musk commercials are the best commercials to ever appear on television… It is indisputable… beyond contestation.  More to come on the subject of musk… look forward to it.

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Commemorative Plates

Posted by latchbeam on November 25, 2008

Have you seen the commerical about celebrating Barack Obama’s victory by buying a commemorative plate?  That is awesome…  I don’t think people celebrate world changing events nearly enough by casting said event onto a plate.  The next world changing event that happens, you can bet your ass I’m buying a plate to commomorate the F out of it!

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Shake Well Natural Separation Occurs

Posted by latchbeam on November 25, 2008

Damn those racist beverages!

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Antonio Banderas is Mentally Retarded

Posted by latchbeam on November 16, 2008

Antonio Banderas is mentally retarded.  I have no proof of this… its all speculation.  But just listen to the dude.

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How About That NASCAR Driver, Jimmie Johnson?

Posted by latchbeam on November 16, 2008

What an amazing winning streak he… yeah, no one F-ing cares.

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Four Day Sale!

Posted by latchbeam on November 13, 2008

I have a great idea… let’s get a puppy and put a pilgrim’s hat on it… wait I’m not done yet, let’s give it a little kid’s voice and have it repeat, “Four day, four day, four day sale.” 

Time Warner Cable ad creator’s thoughts: That’s gold!  Pure genius!  No doubt this commercial will atract new customers… and we don’t have to run it for just four days, we can run it forever! 

Are you F-ing kidding me!?!  This commercial is STILL on the air!  Enough already!  This commercial is old… and now it gets creepier everytime I see it.  This is just another way Time Warner Cable is torturing us.

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Gravity

Posted by latchbeam on November 12, 2008

What weighs more: a pound of swiss cheese or a pound of bricks? 

Common sense says that a pound is a pound and they would weigh the same. 

However, since cheese (especially swiss cheese) apparently defies gravity, the question is highly suspect.  Case in point, I ordered one pound of baby swiss cheese at the deli the other day… there is no F-ing way it was one pound, unless it has a steel additive melted down and mixed into it…  there were only 10 thin slices.  I know, it makes no sense, especially considering all of the holes involved.  Anywho, someone should do some sort of scientific study about it.

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Definition of Chach

Posted by latchbeam on November 11, 2008

Some people seem to have forgotten or have never even known what the term “chach” means.  I was surprised by this, but nevertheless I will post the definition:

Chach, pronounced “chawch” (Alternative spelling: chage) 

Noun-  1) A person (usually male) who attempts to be cool but generally comes across as either an asshole and/or a total loser.  2)  Someone who has been a douche bag enough times to be considered something more irritating.  3) Worse than a douche bag.  4) Keith Olbermann.

Proper use in everyday English language:

Singular: “Yes, I agree, Keith Olbermann is definitely a chach.”

Plural: “Keith Olbermann, Roger Riney, and Al Franken are all chaches.”

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Ted Stevens and Al Franken

Posted by latchbeam on November 7, 2008

Ted Stevens was found guilty on seven federal felony charges and he is winning his race for senator in Alaska?  He is a convicted felon!  Are you f-ing kidding me?  Who the F was his opponent, Christopher McCandless?

Al Franken got 42% of the vote in Minnesota and nearly won?  If you voted for Al Franken you are automatically admitting that you are a chach… this is completely undisputable.  There was actually a “chach disclaimer” on every ballot next to his name.   Therefore, at least 1,210,901 chaches reside in Minnesota, which ranks #2 out of the 50 states (behind California’s estimated 15,000,000).

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Day 2: It Has to Get Better, Right?

Posted by latchbeam on November 6, 2008

The bears continue to dance!  The Dow ended the day -443.48… that brings the two day total to -929.49!  Wall Street is really enjoying the election results… I’m going to stop writing about this, its too depressing.

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