The Socially Abrasive

The Blog of the One and Only, Latch Beam

Archive for January, 2009

Paul McCartney Trivia

Posted by latchbeam on January 28, 2009

Question: When did Paul McCartney become a tool?  Hint: It was before his halftime Super Bowl performance in 2002 (yeah the one where he sang that really corny song about driving a car)… just in case you did not have previous knowledge that he was a tool… watch footage of that first song.

The answer will be posted at a later date… until then, feel free to guess.

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150 Million Dollars

Posted by latchbeam on January 20, 2009

150 million dollars?  Really, 150 million dollars?  150 million dollars!  Holy shit!  That was the lamest $150,000,000 party I could ever imagine!  Only a megalomaniac would spend that much on his inauguration party… is there any other way to look at it?  I am only just starting to realize what I could have done with a 150 Mil party.

Rule #1  Set some sort of Guinness book of world record at that party (other than just spending $150 million on a party, which I’m sure its a record in itself).  I don’t care what it is… bake a huge F-ing cake or something.

Rule #2  Have it at the Playboy Mansion… or make sure all of the girls are there.  Vegas would be a good place too.

Rule #3  Make beer and liquor dispense from all fountains

Rule #4  Bartenders every 100 yards.

Rule #5  Fireworks… F the fireworks.  Just divide up all of the remaining money and give it to those who attended.

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Black Tuesday

Posted by latchbeam on January 20, 2009

So are they going to call today “Black Tuesday” when we look back upon it? 

Oh no you didn’t!  I did.

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Pizza Hut

Posted by latchbeam on January 19, 2009

Hey Pizza Hut… Stop it!  We know that your pasta is no where near as good as you claim it is.  Or maybe you were serving it to a room full of retards, who think the bologna sandwich with ketchup that they eat every day for lunch is awesome.  Let’s face it, you serve Kraft pasta.  The shit is microwaveable! 

Are you serious about promoting chicken wings too?  This “wing street” must have been concocted in the above mentioned room. 

Your wings suck…  Your pasta blows…  Your pizza is exactly the same as it always has been.  Please stop pissing off the foreigners by calling your restaurants, “bistros.”  Imagine their disappointment when they walk into your restaurant and see a trough of food under heat lamps…

“This is no F-ing Bistro!  Its just a F-ing Pizza Hut!”  One foreigner (may or may not have) exclaimed, when leaving a Pizza Hut.

Pizza Hut, you are not fooling anyone.  Also, please stop giving our friend, Tim, horrendous gas!

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Young Driver vs. Grand Theft Auto

Posted by latchbeam on January 7, 2009

QUESTION: What kind of parents let their 6 year old kid play Grand Theft Auto?

ANSWER: Parents who have a 6 year old kid that drives their car to elementary school.

Its a good thing that there wasn’t a handgun in the glove compartment… he probably would have robbed a hooker on the way to school.

This kid might grow up to be a trouble-maker. 

Here is the AP story:

6 YEAR OLD BOY DRIVES CAR AFTER MISSING BUS

WICOMICO CHURCH, Va. – A 6-year-old Virginia boy who missed his bus tried to drive to school in his family’s sedan — and crashed. His parents were charged with child endangerment. State police said the boy suffered only minor injuries and authorities drove him to school after he was evaluated at a local hospital for a bump on his head. He arrived shortly after lunch, Sgt. Tom Cunningham said.

It happened around 7:40 a.m. Monday on Route 360, about 61 miles east of Richmond.

The boy, whose name wasn’t released, missed the bus, took the keys to his family’s 2005 Ford Taurus and drove nearly six miles toward school while his mother was asleep, police said.

He made at least two 90-degree turns, passed several cars and ran off the rural two-lane road several times before hitting an embankment and utility pole about a mile and a half from school.

The boy told police he learned to drive playing Grand Theft Auto and Monster Truck Jam video games.

“He was very intent on getting to school,” said Northumberland County Sheriff Chuck Wilkins. “When he got out of the car, he started walking to school. He did not want to miss breakfast and PE.”

His parents, Jacqulyn Deana Waltman, 26, and David Eugene Dodson, 40, are each charged with child endangerment, Wilkins said. Waltman is being held without bond. Dodson was released on a $5,000 bond.

It was not clear if they had attorneys.

The boy and his 4-year-old brother were placed in protective custody.

“This really is a story of miracles,” Wilkins said. “The Lord was with him, along with everybody else on the highway.”

 

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Mullets

Posted by latchbeam on January 6, 2009

I cannot imagine another university having more mullets than the University of Texas.  Its almost as if you have to have hick-looking facial hair and/or a mullet just to be a fan or a member of their football team.

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Senator Al Franken

Posted by latchbeam on January 6, 2009

Let’s vote for the washed up comedian who had the shitty, left wing radio show that lost millions and millions of dollars… you know, the moron with no experience outside of comedy whatsoever.  Yes, the guy that hasn’t been funny in 15 years.  Are you F-ing kidding me?  I really would like to have a conversation with one person who actually voted for Al Franken.  Congratulations Minnesota, you cheated to elect one of the biggest chaches to walk the face of the earth.  Look for more articles making fun of the asshole of America (no pun intended toward Air America)… Minnesota!

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