Those of you who are lucky enough to be in the inner circle of freinds of Latch Beam, know that I like zombie movies… I can’t honestly think of a zombie movie I have seen that I didn’t care for, or at least find to be somehow entertaining. However, last night I decided to watch a movie on Showtime called “The Ring of Darkness” at 2:00am. The description of the movie was “singer joins a band of zombies.”
How cool does that sound, right? What unfolded in the next few minutes, I must share with you, so you don’t make the same mistake that I did. The description is false advertising to say the least. To my surprise, this movie was not good… not good at all. In fact, looking back on the time I spent watching the movie, I would have rather spent that time being stuck in traffic with Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer.
This movie was about a F-ing boy band, made up of zombies that eat people, who were having tryouts to replace their lead singer (of whom they killed and ate). I am not making this up. Its gets worse… much worse. One of the stars of this movie was Hobie Buchannon (Jeremy Jackson… I had to spend time looking that up… Side Note: Hobie is a junkie in real life!) from Baywatch and some American Idol chick (Ryan Starr) who I thought was playing a partially retarded girl at first. It turns out that she wasn’t really trying to be retarded, she is just really that bad of an actress.
The same f-ing song kept playing over and over thoughout… I can’t explain how annoying it was.
I wanted to stop watching this, but there were supposed to be zombies in it… and any movie with zombies is supposed to be a recipe for success. This was not the case. It was a train wreck! How do you stop watching a train wreck? Its really difficult. I eventually stopped watching it about 45 minutes or so into the movie, because of that horrid song and they kept showing the dudes dancing without shirts on. It was some of the worst acting I have ever seen and the plot… the plot was the worst ever… I talking about the entire history of movies.
I would love to meet this director so I could ask him what he was thinking when he wrote this… I would then beat him relentlessly. I would also like to meet whoever invested money or time into creating this fiasco, just to ask them if this was somehow a big joke they were playing on someone. I would then severely beat all of them as well.
The only thing these Dbags had in common with zombies is that they eat people… they were cannibals, not zombies.
If I had to watch the rest of the movie, I would create some sort of drinking game out of it. For example, every time that F-ing song plays, you have to take a drink.
Don’t watch The Ring of Darkness… there are no zombies, it blows and now that I’m thinking about it there was no F-ing ring either. What the f?
